Following a glorious and heroic display of treacherous boardroom betrayal and underhanded backstabbing, ChangelingMedia is proud to have once again usurped full control of the body corporate from the dangerously ethical and socially conscious direction of ChangingMedia. Be not afeard for the well-being of our ousted colleagues: we are assured the fetid pit into which they have been cast has a fulsome supply of grubs and salty but potable tears, and that they will have ample opportunity for glory when pitted against each other in the arena in gladiatorial combat.
As our first order of business, ChangelingMedia is delighted to have been commissioned by the good people at Americans for Responsible Apathy (not to be confused with Amalgamated Profit, with which it is no way affiliated or associated) for a new and sorely-need campaign to address a pressing problem among today’s youth. A growing number of our young people today are trapped in a state of dangerously heightened moral concern and social awareness, known to the kids as being “woke.” It is well documented that “woke” young people are more prone to engage in protects and mass actions for social change. They are more likely to be angry at perceived injustices. They could even change the world.
With our strong commitment to the deepest values of chaos and inequity, ChangelingMedia simply could not allow this to go on. And so we are proud to announce the debut of a lovable furry friend to bring your precious children back into a state of tranquility and passivity. Meet the Don’t Care Bear:
Anytime your child feels the need to tackle the world’s most pressing issues, tell them to give the Don’t Care Bear a snuggle. When your little one is afraid of massive storms and rising oceans that might make the planet unliveable for generations to come, pass them the Don’t Care Bear so they can feel that warm fur against their cheek that’s as a cozy as a rapidly heating climate. And don’t worry — we’ll be infiltrating your children’s cartoon shows and favorite YouTube channels to bombard them with advertisements. So just sit-back, relax, and wait for your little angels to come bounding in screaming “Mommy, daddy, I don’t want a future. I want my Don’t Care Bear!”
With the scourge of wokeness gone, marauding corporations and corrupt governments will be free once again to prey on humanity with impunity. But this nightmare scenario won’t give your kids bad dreams, thanks to a few wise words from the Don’t Care Bear. That’s right — this bear can talk, he’s a regular Teddy Fact-Spin! “Everything’s better now,” Don’t Care Bear will whisper, lulling our next generation from their woke state into a blissful and compliant stupor. “You don’t need to change a thing.”
